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Archive for February, 2008

Dating Online – Can Be Less Stressful

February 25th, 2008

Dating Online – Can Be Less Stressful
by: Martin Smith

Dating is a challenge at any age and for both women and men. Ladies worry about your hair, your make-up and whether you look fat. The men worry is their tie straight (if they wear one), do they have enough money, and whether or not you will like him. Basically both sexes are worrying about whether they are liked and accepted.

Believe it or not there are things that you can do to make your date less stressful. Make your date feel comfortable. If you are throwing questions at your date, they may feel like they are on trial. Let the conversation happen naturally and most of your questions open-ended. This means that while yes and no questions while used sparingly, are fine, they can lead to stilted conversation and tension. Talk about all kinds of topics and try to engage your date in the conversation. Never force conversation.

Here’s one you hear all the time. “Relax, be yourself, you’ll be fine” Share your interests but listen to your date too. Both of you will probably be nervous so try to relax. One of the most important things you can do is be on time either to pick-up your date or be ready to be picked up.

There are things you should definitely not do on a date. Don’t talk about yourself all night and don’t complain and whine about your ex, your date will wonder what you will say about them. Don’t ask too many questions-it’s not the Inquisition. Don’t be late picking up your date or in getting ready. Most importantly, don’t forget to thank your date for a good time.

Dating is about getting to know your date and letting them get to know you. Try doing something different that you haven’t tried up until now. Alternate deciding where you are going, it could relieve a lot of tension and you just might learn something very interesting.

One other very important, in fact, it could be most important, is dating safety. There are so many ways to meet someone now that it’s fairly easy for anyone with less than good intentions to be able to follow through on them. The suggestions that follow while addressed to ladies, men pay attention because reality is, is that you too could be a target.

For the first few dates go to public places and not isolated ones. If you are meeting someone that you have been talking to online there are several things you can do to keep yourself safe aside from meeting in a very public place. Don’t go alone, have a friend or two go to the same place and sit where they can see you and your table at all times.

You might consider this even if you have met your date already. The nice guy you met at the library may seem sweet but he may not be. If you have any kind of uncomfortable feeling, listen to your gut and do what you have to do to be safe.

Try to learn about your date. Where does he live? What kind of work does he do? If he doesn’t want to tell you I wouldn’t consider dating him a second time. He may be very nice and the most loving person but be careful if he won’t share some personal information. I suppose giving too much information could be a warning signal too.

You’ve heard of date rape drugs well they can not only be put in alcoholic beverages but in soda, tea, coffee, or water. Actually they can go in almost any beverage. This is one reason to have someone you know nearby so that if you leave the table they can kind of keep an eye the table (and your date). Watch how much alcohol you consume. You want to keep your wits about you at all times and if you are driving this is even more important.

Use any safety devices that you can (and ones that are legal). The most important tool anyone can have is a cell phone, whether man or woman your can break down or be in a crash. The cell phone will bring help that much quicker. You should have it programmed so that you only have to press one number for 911.

Many can be programmed that when you hold down a particular key 911 is automatically dialed. Most cell phones have GPS capability. Pepper sprays, high decibel personal alarms are two more safety tools. Check with your local police and attorney to see what is acceptable in your community. Many areas have banned pepper sprays.

Other general safety advice whether dating or not is never go anywhere unfamiliar alone. Always wear your seatbelt. If someone grabs you with a weapon and ordered to go with him or her it is suggested by some that you take a stand right away. Scream, yell, bite, or kick or do anything you have to do to become safe.

Go for the groin and the eyes. Shove the heel of your hand into the assailant’s nose very hard. Yell Fire!! People will react to fire rather than help.

This next thing is something to do in almost any situation not just dating. When giving out personal information to someone be careful how much you tell them.

I remember when keeping yourself safe wasn’t such a serious matter. There are new ways to overpower someone and to cover up a crime. Keep yourself safe, and lastly always let someone know where you are planning to go and if you can the person that will accompany you.

(c) www.no1-dating.com

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About The Author

Martin Smith is a successful freelance writer providing advice and tips on a variety of subjects if you need tips on Dating Online His numerous articles provide a wonderfully researched resource of interesting and relevant information. http://www.no1-dating.com.

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Tips for Creating a Successful Personal Online Dating Profile

February 25th, 2008

Tips for Creating a Successful Personal Online Dating Profile
by: Caroline Mackenzie

Your profile is the key to meeting your perfect match at online dating and personals services so it’s surprising that many profiles are mediocre at best. With a little extra time, thought and effort, and the help of these tips, you can make yours a winner and attract a large pool of admirers to take your pick from.

Invent a distinctive username:

Your username (nickname) is the first hint at what kind of person you are. It needs to be original and memorable, while somehow summing you up – not easy in a dozen letters or so!

For ideas, think about your interests, background, location and personality. For instance, an outgoing person from Phoenix might choose PhoenixSparkler, an avid skier with a wild streak might be SnowTiger. Humor’s great (I recently spotted MissBehaving) but overly sentimental (LetMeBeTheOne), meaningless (Vyc2DX) or desperate sounding (SoLonelyInOhio) names are a turn off.

Give yourself time: think of a name before sitting down to complete your profile, as well as a couple of backup options. It’s amazing how many “original” names are in use already. Most services spit out alternatives but they’re usually unimaginative and full of numbers.

Write a compelling headline:

Your opening line, or headline, is like the first thing you see on an ad: it should compel people to read on and find out more about you. Don’t be apologetic about being there – “I don’t normally do this sort of thing” – and don’t begin (as thousands do) with “My name’s Bob, I’m 25 and live in Boise.” This isn’t compelling. It’s not even interesting. “Born in Boise, Heading for Barbados” is more the thing. It’s intriguing without being confusing, and raises questions: is Bob a traveler, a dreamer or working for an international company? Only one way to find out – read on!

Again, it’s not easy. If you get stuck, a favorite line from a song, book or movie can say lot about you – who you like and/or what you believe in – and stands out to other people who love it too.

Post at least one photo:

For 75% of online daters, the photo is the first thing they look for when browsing through profiles. Not surprisingly, profiles with photos get ten to fifteen times the response of those without. Including a photo is a must! But beware, some photos do more harm than good. Big offenders are photos that show you with someone else, or even worse, part of someone else. (It might not be your ex, or your ex’s body part, but people have no way of knowing.)

If you don’t have a suitable photo, get one taken, and keep it real – glamour shots could come back to haunt you. Think about asking a friend to pick out a photo that they think looks most like you. Make sure people don’t have to squint at the screen to see what you look like, and be sure to smile!

Check the right boxes:

Most profiles have a hefty component of check boxes – age group, sex, and so on. It’s a basic thing but when researching sites I do it a lot myself: check the wrong boxes or forget to change them from a default setting that isn’t right for me. And I’m not alone. Believe it or not, a common mistake among online daters is choosing the wrong sex of their ideal partner. So, take care over these basic but important details.

Check your grammar and spelling:

You might be the most intelligent person on the planet but if you rush your profile and don’t check your spelling and grammar you’re not going to come across well to anyone who values intelligence. You might like to prepare your freestyle entries using a program with spelling and grammar checkers, then paste them into your profile.

Avoid clichés:

Unfortunately, a lot of people say the same thing in the same way as everyone else. It’s boring at best and unbelievable at worst. Can we really believe that so many people “exercise regularly and keep in good shape”? Also, use a thesaurus to replace well-worn words like “good” and “nice” with more interesting, meaningful alternatives that add spice and sparkle to your profile.

Make your meaning clear:

Your spelling and grammar might be perfect but sometimes your words can convey a completely different meaning from what you intended. Give your profile a thorough reading to avoid potentially embarrassing or damaging misinterpretations!

Stick to your own style:

Many online dating profiles include sections where you can express yourself in your own words. It’s a chance to make yourself more human and “real,” and other members can pick up lots of interesting information about you – clues they might find appealing – from the way you express yourself. Don’t block the process by suddenly adopting a style and tone that isn’t really you.

Focus on your unique qualities:

It’s our unique qualities that make us attractive – and to some, very attractive! When you have a chance to describe yourself, let these qualities shine. Skip the things that people take for granted (and have in common) and focus on the things that make you, “you.”

Perhaps you speak another language, have an unusual skill or interest, or something you feel passionately about. Small things count too. If you change your hair color every other day or have an addiction to triple hot chili sauce, say so. People who share or appreciate your unique qualities will tune right in and they make great conversation starters if they decide to make a move!

Flatter yourself – it’s allowed!:

If you’re good at something or proud of yourself for something, go ahead and blow your own trumpet. Confidence (not to be confused with a raging ego!) is an attractive quality and there are plenty of ways to flatter yourself while sounding modest: “My friends say I’m…” or, “If I had to describe one thing about myself that I like…”

Be honest:

Many people can’t resist the urge to be less than completely honest when writing their online personals profile. Women tend to lie about their appearance and men about their status and physical prowess. There’s really no need. Online dating and personals services have thousands if not millions of members. You’ve got a great chance of meeting someone who’s attracted to the real you, warts and all. Of course, there’s no need to tell your darkest secrets – just keep it real. You’ll be able to pursue relationships without having to worry about all the lies you’ve spun. Honesty is an attractive trait.

Be passionate about your passions:

If you have a hobby or interest that you’re absolutely passionate about, that takes up a lot of your time and energy, go ahead and rave about it. It’s better that people know up front how important it is to you, and fellow fanatics will tune right in!

Be careful with humor:

Humor’s great but a super-dry or tongue-in-cheek sense of humor may not work well in writing. People don’t know you and can’t see the twinkle in your eye. You’ll have ample opportunity to display your brand of wit when you’re communicating one-on-one with other members.

Say it with feeling:

Too many profiles read like a job application with flat phrases like, “I enjoy skiing, cooking and photography” which don’t really tell us much. Add emotions, thoughts and feelings into the mix. The idea is to showcase your personality and make a connection on an emotional level.

Be positive:

Our bugbears say something about the type of person we are but keep them to a minimum in your profile or they’ll say something bad! Focus on the things that make you feel good and you’ll come across as a fun date.

Don’t dwell on past relationships:

Too much talk of past relationships is a sure way to scare off potential dates. It doesn’t show much commitment to moving along in life with someone new. However, some services touch on the subject in their profiles in which case you can give it a more interesting, positive twist by talking in general terms about lessons learned, where you are today and what your hopes are for future relationships.

Describe your ideal match in your own words:

If you have an opportunity to describe the type of person you’re looking to meet in your own words, use it. If someone reads your profile and likes you, they’ll know right away whether or not they’re a likely candidate for your affections. On the other hand, don’t be too picky or demanding! One idea is to limit yourself to the three or four attributes that you value most in a partner and perhaps one big turn off (you want to keep it positive overall).

Describe the kind of dates you enjoy:

Make it easy for people to ask you on a date by giving them an idea of the kind of dates you enjoy. For instance, “I like a relaxing atmosphere where you can chat and get to know someone,” or, “Doing something new and exciting together is a great way to get to know someone.”

Promote yourself as a great date:

When someone likes what they read in your profile, they’ll probably wonder what kind of date you’d make. In other words, you seem interesting and attractive but would you be the date from hell? Put this question to rest with upfront information that paints a great picture of what it would be like to date you. For instance, perhaps you’re a good listener who likes a quiet, relaxing atmosphere where you can talk and get to know someone, or a sociable energetic type who thinks that doing something new and exciting together is the best way to get to know someone.

When your admirers know you’re on the same page in terms of dating style, they’re more likely to take the next step and ask you out, or at least to get to know you better, confident you’ll be a great date. And if your dating styles are completely out of tune, at least you’ve avoided finding it out the hard way – on that date from hell.

Create a Master Profile:

Save all your profile information and entries in a master file so you don’t have to start from scratch if you’re planning on using more than one service. Profiles vary considerably from service to service but many parts will be similar.

Make Changes:

Last but not least, don’t forget that your profile isn’t written in stone! It’s fast and easy to make any changes you like, so don’t fret too much about perfection!

About The Author

Caroline Mackenzie is Co-Owner/Webmaster of The Dating Muse, the complete guide to online dating services and personals featuring in-depth reviews of the top online dating sites plus tips and ideas for finding friends, dates, soulmates and sexual adventure online. Visit her site at http://DatingMuse.com and for lighthearted, sometimes serious insights into the dating game, online and off, subscribe to her newsletter, at http://datingmuse.com/subscribe.htm

caroline@datingmuse.com

Presented by Jim Weltzin - Dating Services Website

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Online Dating. Is It Taken To Seriously?

February 25th, 2008

Online Dating. Is It Taken To Seriously?
by: Tyler Casselman

When I look at allot of the online dating services I notice one common trend. People take it very seriously into finding there true love. I find it absolutely amazing the amount of people who are looking for there absolute perfect match.

There seems to be so many profiles out there who tell people exactly what it is they want from a partner. Its as if there an owner of a company and there trying to fill a certain job position. They then take and list there requirements and what they expect from a person. If they don’t meet those requirements then they think there unsuitable. I think that’s crazy.

Dating is about getting to know people and then seeing if you enjoy spending time with them. You will often meet people who you thought you would never date and end up having a strong relationship with them. I’m not saying that it isn’t good to have certain expectations. It is good to have an idea of what you want in a partner. I’m just saying you need to have an open mind.

So what should you put in your profile?

Instead of a whole big list of stuff like this is what I want and this is what I expect, you should have a touch of personality. Sure you will have certain expectations. You need to personalize them, so they just don’t sound like your looking for a perfect person. If you like to joke around then add some little funnies throughout your profile. You need to show off your personality. Show people how you see the world and that you don’t take everything so seriously.

When you go to a nightclub you don’t just go to meet someone, you go to have some fun too. You need to look at online dating in the same way. Have some fun with it and don’t take it to seriously. You will make things much easier on yourself.

About The Author

Tyler Casselman is an online dating expert. He owns the popular site Online Dating Home.

www.online-dating-home.com

In order to use this article on your site you must provide an active link back to Online Dating Home.

tyler@online-dating-home.com

Presented by Jim Weltzin - Dating Services Website

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How Fast Can We Do It? Speed Dating Online and Off

February 25th, 2008

How Fast Can We Do It? Speed Dating Online and Off
by: Kathryn Lord

In an effort to cut down the time between meeting and mating to as close to zero as possible, up has popped Speed Dating!

For the uninitiated, speed dating happens when groups of singles meet together at a predetermined location. In an organized fashion, these folks talk to each other individually for under ten minutes (usually six to eight) per person, then switch to the next one in line. Next, each single rates interest (or no interest) in pursuing each contact. Afterwards, the organizers put the parties who indicated mutual interest in touch with each other, with what happens next up to the individuals concerned. Sort of like an adult version of Musical Chairs.

Offered by various businesses like HurryDate.com, and Pre-Dating.com, even the online dating veteran Match.com is jumping into the fray. Match.com sponsors live, face-to-face events in various cities.

But Match.com also has a completely online version that does not even require that you leave home — all you need is a computer online and another phone line or cell phone to use at the same time. After having a chance to look at the other’s profile and photo, the Match.com answer to supersonic speed puts you on the phone with one guy or gal after another — for an even shorter four minutes! Then, up comes the form, and just indicate your choice: “Yes, no, or maybe.”

Like most face to face events that I hear about (and I include the Match.com computer-based speed dating in this category), it sounds as if women usually outnumber men. Why? Well, women may just be more comfortable in these more social, on-the-spot sort of events. If you are not quick with words or good handling things on your feet, you’d be at a disadvantage. Guys report feeling trapped and uncomfortable. And there can be an air of competition that could make men antsy, not wanting to participate in something where they could lose or feel foolish.

There’s a message here for guys: Given the ratios, these kind of events would be great places for you to try. And they would provide great practice in mastering a social patter that would be useful in other situations.

The advantages to both men and women? Well, clearly, speed. And practice. And to “get your feet wet” and get a sense that there is plenty of choice out there. Who knows? Maybe you’ll get lucky!

The disadvantages? With face-to-face as well as online speed dating, you’ve got next to no screening except signing up / paying up / showing up. So you find a range of people, likely most of whom will not be even a passable fit for you.

With regular online dating, at least you get to screen to your heart’s content in total privacy, before making even one direct contact. You get to sift out potentials who are clearly wrong for you.

With speed dating events, what you see is what you get. As one woman reported, “When you see all those plaid jackets and missing teeth, it can be pretty depressing.”

Think about it: How fast do we really want to do this? After all, this is a life-partner search. What if the perfect guy or lady for you does not show him or herself the best in four to eight minutes?

Internet dating has already made the meeting process more efficient than we have ever known before. If we figure out many more ways to cut the time down, we’ll be saying “no” before any contact at all. That sounds suspiciously like staying home and doing nothing! Fast Can We Do It? Speed Dating Online and Off”