Dating Services Website

Archive for April, 2008

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We need to date because we are social creatures and our genetics drive us to seek a mate. Online dating is becoming the method many chose to fulfill this need.

The human species has existed for millions of years and our ancient ancestors had to band together for safety and survival. As we evolved as a species, the need to fear for our lives lessened but it was still easier to both work and play in groups. Life is much easier today but there is still safety in groups. There are so many people now and our technology has advanced so much that it is, in many ways, isolating us from interacting as we once did.

Our jobs often keep us in offices or cubicles for long hours and the opportunity to meet a potential mate at a relaxed social event is rare. Bar scenes, nightclubs, business conferences and other modern get togethers seldom provide an environment that makes casual meetings and budding romances easy.

Because of our time constraints, displeasure with the real world venues we’ve tried and its convenience, an increasing number of us are turning to the internet and internet dating to meet someone that will help us satisfy our biological urges.

You cannot deny your innate longing for a companion, for someone special to talk to, to share both your joys and sorrows and to comfort you when you are ill or unhappy. Even the person who people think to be cold has another individual by his or her side. When one feels alone, it is like all the ghosts of life haunt him or her. All the emptiness tends to grow when one has nobody to call his or hers.

There are many online dating sites that will let you look for a specific type of person. Some of these sites are themed around religion, ethnic background, age and more.

Online Dating Tips

Whether we are willing to admit it or not, our biological makeup still plays a role in how we seek a mate. This may not be something you are consciously aware of or even acknowledge should someone point it out to you.

Many men might say they like women are their equals BUT their biology tells them they are looking for a woman weaker than them that they can protect. If a woman comes on too strong or is overly assertive, the subconscious mind of many men will try to sabotage the relationship before it even starts.

The reverse holds true for many women. They either consciously or subconsciously seek a man that they feel is strong and confident without being overly aggressive. A strong and confident male was needed in previous times to help the species survive and thrive. This biological imperative is still in you regardless of how enlightened and evolved you think you are.

Build a strong friendship and lines of communication BEFORE you move your chats into the sexual realm. Sex is one SMALL part of your overall relationship so don’t focus on it until you’ve built a solid foundation.

Stay true to yourself and keep your morals and integrity intact. Every relationship requires compromise to work but if you give up your soul or personal identity for the sake of a relationship with someone, you are setting that relationship up for failure.

Every person is unique so try not to judge your current partner on the actions of a previous one. The actions might be similar in the beginning but they may lead to a totally different ending IF your viewpoint doesn’t taint the reality.

Enjoy every moment you have to get to know your partner and to get to know them. If your relationship eventually grows into love without the pressure of making everything the way you only want it to be then you’ve had a successful online dating experience.

Online dating relationships and romances require just as much if not more effort to succeed than their real world counterparts.

By design, the internet is an anonymous and impersonal environment. It was, after all, designed by engineers for use in academic collaborations.

The hardware and technology has advanced to the point we can have visual or text chats that are almost in real time BUT the intimacy and warmth of human emotion, body language and personality gets diluted if not completely lost.

Here are a few things you MUST remember if you want your budding relationship or romance to grow and thrive.

1. Make a time commitment. Everything worth having in life requires a certain amount of time and effort before the desired results start to manifest. Both you and your prospective partner must accept this and be willing to invest the time needed to see if you are right for each other. You’ll start off exchanging emails, chatting within the dating site, using instant messaging clients, video chats, and more before you move forward. If you miss a scheduled virtual meeting, you’d better have a very good excuse just like you would in the real world. You cannot hope to build a relationship or romance unless you show you respect their time as much as you value yours.

2. Communicate. Don’t just talk about things on an agenda like you would in a business meeting. Your virtual get togethers should be as free flowing and wide ranging as a real world date once you get past the dance to get to know each other enough to feel comfortable lowering your guard a little. Trust will come IF you give your relationship enough time to develop. If either party is pushing the other to move faster than they are comfortable with, it may be a danger sign you should pay attention to.

3. Respect each other’s privacy. If and when you give your picture, email address, phone number or other personal information to someone, you expect that person to keep it private unless you give them permission to share it. They deserve the same level of privacy from you. Do NOT violate that trust.

4. Share your virtual world with each other. Ecards, online games, your favorite websites, digital photo albums, forums, blogs, websites and 3d worlds are just a few ways you can share your life and learn about your partner. The internet allows each of us to do many things which lets us share our uniqueness with the world or just with someone special. Use this special medium to get fully comfortable with each other before deciding on a real world meeting.

Online dating relationships and romances can happen but you must treat them with the same faithfulness and loving care you would your lawn or garden.

After you’ve joined a few online dating services and written a killer profile that includes a good picture of you, you are ready to start meeting people.

Depending on your gender, you may or may not get a lot of interest. You may need to be proactive and immerse yourself in the community so you become known and aren’t seen as an outsider.

Once the contacts start coming in, you will need to know how to separate the ones you wish to engage from the ones you’ll want to avoid.

Guys want to avoid women that should be wearing labels like “Gold Digger” or “Daddy’s girl” and women need to avoid guys that should wear labels like “Mamma’s Boy” or “Abuser”.

Unfortunately, you cannot find out the answers to these questions by being direct. You do need to know what mistakes you can avoid making and how to impress this person if you decide you want to do that.

Both genders start out with small talk to get past the initial awkwardness we all experience when meeting new people.

After this step guys need to ask the woman a question like, “What are the biggest mistakes guys make when dating online?” Listen carefully to her answers. She’s going to tell you a lot about herself and her views on men in general.

A guy’s next question should be, “What do you really think about online dating?” Now she will tell you if she has had any bad experiences dating online and the answer will also help you avoid making the mistakes should you proceed with the relationship.

The third qualifying question, and in my opinion, the most important one is, “What caused the break up in your last relationship?” If she puts all the blame on the guy, you should probably move on to the next prospect. If she takes all the blame herself, you should probably do the same. If she says the breakup was by mutual consent or that the relationship just wasn’t right for either of them, you’ve heard the right answer. Move forward but always with caution.

I’m sorry ladies but I cannot honestly give you advice on asking the RIGHT questions for pre-screening guys but I think variations of the three I’ve mentioned here would give you a clue.

I know I’d have to honestly think before answering any of the above and I think that has value.

Asking the right questions in the beginning just might give you enough insight into the person so you can decide whether to press forward with this person or pass and continue looking. Both genders must use questions and proceed with caution whether doing online dating or dating in the real world.

Friends, family and co-workers that are in relationships cannot stand to see you single and showing no visible prospects so blind dates are pushed at you.

Blind Dates

I’m willing to bet that you’ve been bombarded so often with blind date offers from well intending friends, family or co-workers that you’ve caved in and accepted more than once just to shut them up.

You were probably told the person was perfect for you, that you’d be a great couple, that you’d have a great time with the person or you were presented some other rosy outcome for the date. Since you are still looking for that special someone, it’s a safe bet that the date or string of dates did not work out.

Did time drag so slow for you that you wondered if it had actually stopped? You probably endured bad food, bad company, conversation that revealed you had very little if anything, in common with your companion for the evening or another unpleasant or uncomfortable situation.

Don’t feel too bad because your date was probably pressured into the blind date as much as you were and may have been just as uncomfortable or miserable as you.

Online Dating

Online dating gives you control YOU choose the person that interests you then you start conversing to see how much, if anything, you have in common.

Most of the better online dating sites have places for members to put up profiles stating their interests, occupation, etc, places to upload photographs, built in email capabilities until YOU feel comfortable enough to move to a more personal means of communication, chat rooms and more.

People can and do lie both online and offline but you can usually figure them out IF you don’t rush things AND don’t allow them to pressure YOU into moving too fast. Someone that’s in a hurry and pushing more often than not has a hidden agenda that is NOT going to be good for you.

After getting to know someone through an online dating site, instant messages, chats, emails and phone calls, you are ready to start looking again OR to meet this person in the real world.

The first meeting should be in a public place for safety and you should build in a safe exit should things NOT look right. Plan on the first meeting being a little rocky because neither of you can be 100 percent certain the other was completely honest and that the online chemistry will translate offline.

Dating is ALWAYS exciting and a challenge because you are hoping to find someone to merge your life with and that means you must open your heart and risk being hurt. Whether you choose to allow a well intentioned friend “to set you up” or choose to participate in the exciting world of online dating is up to you but you get to decide who is in control with online dating.

Online dating can be both fun and dangerous. People you encounter online may, knowingly or unknowingly, send you a computer virus.

Your computer SHOULD already be protected by a firewall and anti-virus software at the very minimum. These programs should ALWAYS be up-to-date and the anti-virus program should have up-to-date virus definition tables at all times.

Windows users that have either Windows XP or Windows Vista Operating Systems already have a firewall built into the software. You just need to ensure that the firewall is enabled or you are using a third party software package.

ZoneAlarm www.zonelabs.com is just one firewall vendor that has a free download that will serve your needs. You can find other options by searching for firewalls at www.download.com.

Up-to-date anti-virus software is another important piece of your computer’s protection. Avast and AVG both offer free versions of their anti-virus software and both can be found at www.download.com by searching for anti-virus.

I consider Ad-Aware by LavaSoft to be important too because it helps you detect and remove spyware or malware that may find its way to your computer. www.download.com is the place to grab the free version of this software.

The free versions of the above are for protecting your personal computer that’s not used commercially. They will protect your email, surfing and even instant messaging.

With your computer protected from unwanted visitors, it is time to think about your personal safety.

Choose the dating sites you frequent carefully. Ask your friends, neighbors, co-worker and relatives that may be using or have used online dating sites what there experiences were with the sites.

Many of the more reputable online dating sites let you create a free profile or open a free trial account so you can check out the service before spending a penny.

Take advantage of many of these AFTER carefully reading and UNDERSTANDING the terms of service and privacy policies of EACH site.

As I mentioned in another article, it’s important to protect your personal information and identity because stalkers and scammers DO exist and both men and women need to use common sense and caution. What information you share and when should be carefully thought out rather than an emotional one or a decision made under pressure.

Your safety and your computer’s safety are just two things you need to consider in both the real world an in the online dating world.